Friday, May 20, 2016

From the other blog side

heres a treat. This is from my other blog I just started called The Gorilla Position; wherein I speak on the beauty and theater of pro wrestling. Please give it a read and check us out at gorillawrestling.blogspot.com

A brief History of Inanimate Wrestlers

Yoshihiko

Japanese wrestling is like no other. In a lot of ways, it's the heart and soul of the sport and the creative home for the moves and styles that define wrestling's violent poetic dances. It's the equivalent of what can be called a, "sports Mecca," where the greats often go to tour as conquering heroes, where the crowds are most appreciative of the work, where they can ply their trade far into obscurity. Some of the greatest of all time came from Japan, and there's so many to choose from; including Tiger Mask, Great Muta, Rikidozan, and Antonio Inoki...and I'm going to talk about the living sex doll Yoshikiko.

Bare with me.

Yoshikiko is first and foremost a wrestler. Weighing in at 400g, and at a height of 120cm, he is one of the few fourth generation gimmicks in wrestling. The preceding Yoshihiko's belong to the exclusive club of those few performers (like Million Dollar Man's adoptive father, Ted Dibiase Sr) who died in ring, mid performance; and an even more exclusive club (featuring one of my all timers, the game changing Bruiser Brody) of greats felled by one of their fellow wrestlers. As far as his gimmicks, they shifted including imitation appearances as Japanese legend Great Muta, the American Badass era Undertaker, to a current run as a Hulk Hogan clone. Yoshihiko also is a fan favorite and champion in his native land, known for his dominating, high flying power style and his tombstone pile driver finish.  If all of this sounds like a pretty normal, run of the mill wrestling bio, then let me qualify it with this; Yoshihiko is an inflatable sex doll.

There is a time honored tradition in Japanese Pro Wrestling that is best described as the, "inanimate object that wrestles." But even that isn't quite fair, because to be honest one of those great, non traditional so called, "wrestlers," was the, "great," Misutero; a non existent, "invisible wrestler" (more on him later) who has himself had and continues to have a long and successful career in Japan. This tradition (like many wrestling and big top traditions) can be traced back to a myriad of differing, conflicting origins; but the main idea is to obviously show off the skill of this singular, in ring performer. Sale is the name of the game here. The actual real wrestler puts on one hundred percent of the show himself; selling frantically and dramatically the non existent moves of their opponent. While at face value it seems a puzzling spectacle, it's actually dizzying, amazing, and all kinds of awesome. And while many inanimate objects have had ample screen time in The Game (RIP Mitch,) none quite optimize what an inanimate grappler can do quite like Yoshi. Or rather, the wrestler that's actually doing the sell. It's interesting from time to time, but it's a gimmick. Nothing more than a fun little side show, original it may be.

But what happened next should surprise absolutely no one, and at the same time, may still shock you. Yoshihiko burst through the veil of being a strange yet popular gimmick, into one of the most popular wrestlers in the promotion he operates with, Dramatic Dream Team. He won major matches against, "superior," (see: animate) wrestlers, got major pay per view spots and his own manga comic and tv show. At one point he even held the (not so) prestigious Iron Man Heavymetalweight Championship; which is the Japanese Hardcore title so it has changed hands more times than reasonable to count. An aside on the Heavymetalweight Championship: the following is a small sample of some of the other, "wrestlers," who have at one time held this belt. A baseball bat who then lost it after being broken in half as a 'KO' decision, which is essentially death, three different (and I'm assuming legendary) ladders, which in all cases fell on the champion and a pinfall was counted, (two of these also defended the title at some point,) a chicken doll, and Mr. Kasai; a stuffed doll of the wrestler Jun Kasai. Mr. Kasai has actually won the belt twice so...I did say time honored, didn't I?

Anyway, Yoshihiko's run led to him having a kayfabe sister named Akihiro, who debuted in 2013; so yeah now there's multiple inflatable Sex Doll wrestlers in DDT, and even more in other promotions in the country. But no one can touch the king of inanimate wrestling; his matches are amazing to watch, wrestling spectacle and show at its very best. In one particular match, "he," after wrapping up the opponent and tossing him to the mat with a Power Slam; the opponent expertly sells a Yoshihiko Irish whip, and throws himself out of the ring. A black clad assistant jumps in and lifts him to his feet, clapping his flappy plastic arms in perfect unison with the crowd. Then the assistant balls Yoshi's body up and tosses him over the top rope to the delight of the fans; and he lands perfectly on his opponent. It's pure wrestling, plain and simple; even if it one of the stranger spectacles the sport can summon. He is a perennial baby face, cheered forever like Sting or Austin; a creation that is in a way another mirror of the fans themselves. For so long promotions (especially WWE) have so tried to over embrace the outside fans of wrestling. While it makes sense, as Uncle Vince built his empire through the Rock n Wrestling/Wrestlemania days (as well as on the crumpled bodies of so many shooters;) it's doesn't really seem like the smart move any more. The true fans of wrestling, when the dust has settled over the whole WWF, New Generation, Monday Night Wars, Attitude Era, Invasion storylines (wrestling history reads like Patrick Sylvster's essays on Revolution) were the ones who were left. Oh and India, if the Internet is to be believed. Yoshihiko is the natural progression of appealing to that heat.

But the success of Yoshihiko didn't come without its share of tragedy; which is the case when you cast your die with the wrestling lot. Yoshihiko the first was wrestling a match (that he was apparently booked to win) against wrestler Antonio Honda when Honda attempted a knee drop and Yoshihiko's head quite literally burst open; kayfabe, "killing," him instantly. His successor was modified into a Great Muta gimmick, however would meet much the same fate when Kenny Omega sent him out of the ring, splitting open his head and thus also kayfabe, "killing," him. A third Sex Doll Yoshihiko then made his appearance (in the very name match,) styled as the American Badass Undertaker (with the same entrance music.) Eventually this Yoshi was shot by the same man who killed his first incarnation, Antonio Honda; which led to his current Hulk Hogan incarnation. This gimmick has apparently lasted, or at least for now, such in ring tragedies that plagued his forbearers have yet to occur. What's interesting to me about this this juxtaposition of this storyline (though obviously created from necessity as in, at least the first two, "deaths," they were not planned) to the dearth of real in ring deaths that have always been a subtle backdrop to the sport. From the aforementioned Dibiase Sr to the beloved Owen Hart, to the many who have gone far before their time outside the square; it's clear that the grim reaper has been fitted for a shooters singlet. These men grapple with him nightly, from rental car to motel to mat and repeat ad nauseam; in a sea of pain killers and alcohol to numb and recoup and make sure they can make it to the ring tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Therefore, while in one way Yoshihiko's "deaths," can been seen as a heartless (pardon the pun Owen) attempt to cash in on one of the darker aspects of wrestling; it can also been seen as a realization and sort of tribute. A tribute perhaps only the wrestling fan can understand; backwards and silly, yet just as heartfelt. Maybe I'm wrong about that, and you're free to disagree; that's just how I feel.

The last thing I think is important about this gimmick is how it defines the fan base and is in a sense the only logical conclusion for where wrestling has been/is going. I was reading about Yoshi when I stumbled upon a recap blog that was reviewing a match it had with Kota Ibushi. The reviewer put it like this:

"Kota Ibushi defended his championship against Yoshihiko in their first singles match since 2009. The challenger had been very aggressive to Ibushi in the build up to the match. Here it refused to shake hands before the match began. It also wrestled in a T-shirt which makes me wonder if Yoshihiko was in bad shape today."
As you can see this is a gimmick bought and sold; at least for this viewer, Yoshi is 100%, undeniably over. That's what is so different and so amazing about the fans of this crazy ass wrestling shit; like you might do when you see a movie, we suspend our disbelief to the point of believing whatever the promoter/director wants us to believe. We are part of the epic drama, the Iliad and Odyssey of two titans engaged in a totally staged battle of centuries. The reward for the hardcore fan is to see something new, something amazing, something that shows off the very best that wrestling has to offer; weather that be the technicality, brutality, skill, or show. Yoshihiko is the epitome of the show part of wrestling, which separates it so from other high profile athletics. Can you imagine the NFL putting a mannequin at quarterback? Or the NBA fixing a game? (Lol.) okay, maybe not that, but you get the idea. The thing that separates us as fans is that we are smart marks, in on the joke; in on the reality behind the curtain and the gorilla position. They wink wink at us; and we wink back. That's why the promos like the pipe bomb are so tantalizing. Why when Steve Austin says, "you talk about you Psalms? John 3:16? Well Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!" it still sends shivers up my spine. Because we know the strange story behind it. Because we love wrestling.

Yoshihiko can be seen in Dramatic Dream Team wrestling in Japan from time to time, but the gimmick has cooled significantly and the manga is no longer running so it looks like the gravy train has hit the last station for our super sex doll wrestler. The Jun Kasai doll has made recent appearances, as well as the aforementioned Misutero; the non existent wrestler.

A bit more on him; this is a very weird gimmick that feels like it falls under the same sort of category as Yoshihiko, but with considerably less thought. It's the cheap version; "hey you know how they have a sex doll wrestler? Well we have a nothing wrestler." And by they I obviously mean we because obviously they are heavily used by the same company, those rascals as DDT. Opponents in their matches are on their own; selling the moves of a wrestler who isn't there. As Wikipedia puts it: "the title is held by nothing and no-one but the wrestlers and referees act as if they can see and pin the "invisible wrestler"." At one point Muscle Sakai (no relation) wrestled the title from Misutero by using patented "ray gun" and "infrared visor" techniques, which obviously apparently shoot the "invisible rays" at the, wrestler." In the end he Misutero dropped the belt to Muscle on a KO decision. That happened. A guy wrestled nobody and won a title belt. While the idea is the same, to showcase the wrestling and the single wrestler in a totally new way; but the matches are so boring their hard to watch, other than a select few. There's something about the faux realness of Yoshihiko that makes him more appealing; or something.

As I finish writing this a notification pops up to tell me that the corporate suck up John Cena is hosting the ESPY awards (which are irrelevant.) It reminds me why I do this. Or something. Maybe not.

Join me again won't you.

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